When To Consider An Elder Care Consultant
As people reach their retirement years they are concerned about managing their affairs. This may be in the area of health care, such as decisions about continuing to live at home with help versus independent/assisted living, as well as decisions about estate planning, having a will versus trust and who will be the executor or trustee, having a health care directive, and appointment of a power of attorney over finances and health care. Many of these decisions are made with estate attorneys and financial planners. An elder care consultant can be beneficial when matters are complicated by financial hardship, divorce, strained parent/child or sibling/sibling relationships, mental illness, substance abuse or other family issues which impact trust, resources, and communication.
The benefits of an elder care consultant are:
* Understand the needs of the parent(s) and family members
* Meet with the parent and family members separately and/or together to diffuse tension
* Facilitate communication
* Help a family member or members with emotional issues that are impacting their ability to think clearly about the situation
* Reduce the emotional stress
* Resolve conflict so that the parent(s) are better cared for and family members can be more supportive of one another
* Develop a family care plan (more clearly define roles and expectations of family members), in order to carry out the wishes of the parent(s)
When a person becomes elderly and has greater needs there is additional stress placed on the family. The adult children are forced to interact with one another. Family members’ views and their ideas of how the roles should be executed vary. Even family members who would otherwise get along may have difficulty, given the stress of the demands, change in roles, and grieving the loss of a parent. There may already exist strained relationships among the children who really do not want to cooperate. Also, each adult child will have different relationships and roles within the family and to each parent. They will also be at different stages in their own lives. Some will have more or less of time, finances, or emotional support to help an aging parent. Issues of equality and fairness become apparent. All of these factors can threaten family relations in the years to come. Conflict, disagreement, and poor communication can cause additional stress to the aging parent.
Although, each family is unique, here are some examples where a family consultant could be of benefit:
* A mother of 5 in her mid 80s who has suffered a broken hip and has the beginning stages of dementia. Decisions need to be made to move her to an assisted living community. Amidst these decisions are decisions about managing her finances, real estate property, and looking over her will. Among the 5 adult children there are disagreements about every aspect of her care. This occurred even though a will had been done and power of attorneys appointed.
* A mother in her late 70s with an adult daughter, age 50, living with her. There is one son who lives two hours away. The son is accusing his sister of mismanaging the mother’s finances. He worries that his sister has a drinking problem, and that she is not adequately caring for the mother. The mother continues to allow her daughter to live with her, stating, “Where else would she live?” The mother is competent and does not allow the son to have any say regarding her affairs.
* A very successful business man in his early 90s suffering from dementia. He is married to his wife of 60 years. She has suffered a mild stroke 5 years earlier, but states she can continue to care for him. There are two adult children, one is single, working full time and the other is married living out of state. They both agree that more care is needed, but cannot agree on the type of care, nor how much to spend. The daughter who lives close by resents that the majority of the responsibility is falling on her. She feels that her sister does not fully understand the level of need of her parents, nor the time it demands from her.
In each of these three scenarios an elder care consultant would be helpful in talking with the various family members so that their parent’s wishes would be honored, the elderly parent would be adequately cared for, and family relations would be preserved as much as is possible. Often times, when these underlying emotional/relational issues are addressed, the necessary decisions can be made with far less stress. An elder care consultant can make the difference to a family’s emotional health by becoming another vital part of the team in an elder state plan.
Linda Nastari is a licensed couples and family counselor in San Jose, CA, where she specializes in providing family and relationship counseling. For more information, please visit Linda’s website at http://www.associatedcounselors.com.
How Does Naming Guardians For My Children Protect Them?
A medical helicopter crashed the other day in Florida. Three people on their way to harvest organs from a car crash ended up getting killed themselves. Have you thought about what would happen to your children in the event that you suddenly passed away? Who would raise your children? What paperwork is in place to ensure a smooth transition of custody immediately after a tragedy so that foster care, even if temporary, does not have to come into play?
Two Roles Required To Protect Your Children
There are two roles you should assign and document in the event you suddenly die and leave children behind. Our mission today is to provide easy, money saving tips and more information about estate planning terms that are commonly used.
1. Custodian; Provides Physical Care
You must have specific instructions in your will or trust about who you want to raise your children. The court will have little reason not to honor your request. This is especially critical for single parents who do not have a spouse as a backup. Naming a guardian in your will or trust gives you peace of mind that your child’s head will lie on the pillow of your choosing after you are gone.
2. Guardian; Manager Of Money
Taking care of the day to day needs of your children (food, clothing shelter) is one thing, but where will the money come from to support them? What happens if you neglect to arrange for your property to be managed by someone? The courts will decide for you and name a “property guardian”. Why let the government get involved when you don’t have to?
How To Protect Your Children By Naming Guardians
Who can you trust to manage the money that is left behind for your children until they become adults? The person who you entrust with the day to day physical care of your children does not have to be the same person that you put in charge of managing the money and other inheritance left for them.
In many cases there are life insurance policies and social security payments that have to be dealt with. Any inheritance of money or property (jewelry, family heirlooms, furniture, etc.) that you wish to leave for your children is at risk (or at best, faces a significant delay in getting to the person you intended) without a will or trust.
Match The Skills Needed To The Best Available Person
The person you ask to manage the inheritance does not have to be the same person that you authorize to take physical care of the kids. There are good guidelines to consider when you think about how to choose an executor to carry out the wishes outlined in your will. Even if you choose to name the same person to handle both the inheritance and the caretaking of the children, you should specifically state that in your will or trust to avoid any confusion or delay. Leave nothing to interpretation.
Keep in mind that the person you ask to manage the financial affairs for your children must do so until the kids are at least 18 years old. If your children are young, choosing an elderly grandparent to serve in this role might not be the best option.
Selecting An Age To Dissolve A Trust
Another consideration for parents when writing their will or trust is if age 18 is satisfactory to them to provide the children access to the financial assets left behind. If you think 18 is too young you can select an older age and document that in your will or trust. Waiting until they are 21 or 25 is not an uncommon selection by parents. Once the children reach the age you specify, the trustee will dissolve the trust and transfer access to leftover assets to your children.
Specific Instructions Are Welcome
The beautiful thing about naming a trustee to watch over the financial affairs of your children is that if you happen to die your instructions must be followed. The trustee has to act in the best interest of your children and obey instructions that you put in writing in the trust. For example, there is nothing wrong with you putting specific instructions in your will or trust that tell the trustee to purchase a car for the children upon their 16th birthday. You can put as many specific instructions as you like.
Protecting Your Children Requires That You Do Something
When it comes to documenting how you wish your children to be raised after you are gone, the most important thing to remember is to do something. Avoid procrastination. You never know what can happen; that’s why they call it a tragedy. Take control so that the courts don’t have to do it for you.
Nathan Randall, editor, DailyDollar Newsletter provides free daily advice on money matters plus coupons and discount codes. FYI…you can now access the DailyDollar Newsletter via iTunes podcast, YouTube video, and on Facebook and Twitter too.
Successfully Overcoming Grief and Loss
At some point in our lives, we all lose someone or something we love. However, this universality of experience doesn’t diminish the pain, shock, guilt, anger, and sadness that often accompany a significant loss.
While many of the emotions that follow a loss may be surprising, overwhelming, and even frightening, they are all normal reactions that you need to come to accept in order to move through the grief process and move forward in life.
That having been said, everyone experiences grief differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. However, there are healthy ways to help you cope with grief so that you can not only move forward again but also strengthen and enrich your life.
Unique Experiences of Grief
Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience.
While grief may be most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief is actually a normal response to any loss, including:
* Losing a significant friendship
* A relationship breakup, separation, or divorce
* Moving away from home
* Loss of health due to a serious illness or disability
* A miscarriage or abortion
* Job loss, retirement, or financial instability
* Having to let go of a long-cherished dream
* Loss of safety and trust due to trauma
How you experience grief will depend on numerous factors, not the least of which is the significance of the loss itself. Although more significant losses tend to be followed by more intense and prolonged grieving, this is not always the case. But in all cases, grieving takes time.
How much time? Unfortunately, the grief process doesn’t follow a timetable. Some men and women may start to feel better in just a few weeks, for others it may take months, and for some the grief process may last years.
Regardless of how long it takes you to grieve, you must learn to be patient with yourself and to allow healing to occur gradually and at your own pace.
But Doesn’t Grief Occur in Stages?
Many people are familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ “five stages of grief”:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
While these stages can help people acknowledge their grief and recognize that what they’re experiencing is natural, Kubler-Ross never meant for these stages to be applied as a rigid framework for the grieving process. As Kubler-Ross stated, “They [the stages] were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”
So, contrary to popular belief, most people don’t experience the “stages of grief” in a neat, sequential order. In fact, many individuals don’t experience all of the stages of grief, and some don’t experience any of them.
When grieving, you shouldn’t worry about what you “should” be feeling, but instead spend your energies on working through the feelings you are experiencing so you can move forward.
Effectively Coping with Grief and Loss
Although everyone experiences loss and grieves in unique ways, the most important factor for anyone looking to cope with and overcome grief is the support of other people.
If you’re not normally comfortable discussing your feelings with others, or find yourself lacking a support network, you should still make every effort possible to find support, share your experience, and not grieve alone:
* Talk with family members and friends — Even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient, there is no better time to ask for and accept the help of loved ones than when you’re grieving.
* Take solace in your faith — If you adhere to a specific religious tradition or set of beliefs, taking part in the mourning rituals and spiritual practices that have meaning for you can be a source of tremendous relief. You can also talk to members of the clergy or other members of your religious community about the feelings and difficulties you’re experiencing.
* Find a grief support group — Grieving can be a very lonely process, especially if you lack a strong support network or if friends and family members don’t share your feelings of loss. Grief and bereavement support groups can be of tremendous benefit, as they allow you to connect with others who’ve shared similar feelings and experiences and try out different coping strategies to manage and resolve your grief.
* Seek the help of a professional grief counselor or therapist — If you’ve been struggling with grief for an extended period of time, or if your grief feels overwhelming and is hampering your ability to fulfill your daily tasks and responsibilities, professional grief counseling can help you work through the emotions that are preventing you from grieving in healthy manner and moving forward in life.
Just remember, whether you rely on your own support network, seek the help of a grief support group, or attend professional grief counseling, sharing your grief with others will not only help lighten the burden of your loss, it is the fastest route to healing from grief and moving forward into the future with confidence and optimism.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is a licensed counselor in Irvine, CA, where she specializes in providing anxiety and grief counseling. For more information on how you can overcome grief and loss, please visit Dr. Campbell’s website at http://www.creativepsychologicalinsights.com.
Ordering Funeral Programs Means Less Stress
It is said that arranging a funeral is similar to arranging a wedding, only it is on the other side of the spectrum. People normally do not enjoy planning for a memorial service, but there are a few things that need to be done when the time comes. During this moment of suffering and bereavement, it is vital that you keep the planning process as stress-free and easy as it can be. At the same time, family and friends want to give the deceased a good and memorable send off.
Similar to weddings, the program is an important part of the funeral. Organizers take specific care in deciding on the flow for the service, such as the songs and psalms to be used. Funeral programs-often known as funeral bulletins, memorial service programs, obituary programs-function as a guide for the service and help guests enjoy the service more.
At the minimum, memorial bulletins consist of the program for the funeral service and could contain the words for the hymns and songs to be used so that attendees can join in the singing. It could furthermore include information about the departed such as the obituary and life photographs. Many memorial service programs have personalized touches that reflect the personality, character and interests of the dearly departed.
Many funeral homes include the creation of funeral programs together with their service. People also have the option to produce funeral bulletins by themselves using templates available online or using computer software available for this purpose. If they have a color printer at home, they can even print the funeral bulletins themselves. Otherwise, they can take the files to a skilled printer.
Templates for funeral bulletins are available in different themes and styles. Many designs are general enough that it doesn’t matter what religion the burial service is in. This makes it easy to get a template to suit any user. There isn’t any typical length or amount of pages for a funeral bulletin, so it could be as simple or extensive as one wants.
Normally, the ability to do quick and easy modification is what makes templates for funeral programs practical and inexpensive. Some are so user friendly that one only has to decide on a design and provide a photo and the name of the dearly departed. Others permit users to replace their own text or wordings anywhere on the template.
People are not granted lots of time to prepare a funeral, so anything that helps make the task easier and go quicker is welcomed indeed. Using funeral program software or templates is one of those things. The end result is simple but yet has a lot of impact on memorial attendees. It’s also a loving homage so that those left behind can enjoy the life lived by their deceased loved ones
More than a guide, funeral programs can function as keepsakes of a loved one’s life. Using templates, it is easy enough to make mementos that show the personality, character and passions of the loved one. It’s a simple remembrance that can be held in loving memory of the departed, appreciated for years to come.
It is claimed that arranging a funeral is comparable to planning a wedding, only it’s on the opposite side of the spectrum. People normally don’t anticipate arranging a funeral service, but there are some things that must be done once the time comes. Warner provides the best quality Christian cards and funeral programs for your needs
Why It’s A Good Idea To Plan For Your Funeral
No one wants to face their immortality, but there will come a time when we will all have to face the fact that we will all one day die. And instead of leaving everything up to chance, or the whims of others, we can actually be proactive about what happens after our death and what can be done about it. In a perfect world, everything would fall right into place, funeral home directors would be more than happy to help our bereaved spouses and families make perfect decisions without ripping them off, and without skimping and cutting corners. But, we live in the here and now, and unless we spell everything out in writing, getting what we want after we die isn’t going to really be possible.
So, the best way to do that is to have a checklist of everything we want done. For those who have already purchased a casket and have made arrangements with the funeral home for services and burial, then most everything has already been taken care of. However, there are still things that can be done to make the viewing, services and burial exactly the way you want it. Let’s face it. You’ve taken the time and made the effort to pick out a casket you like and to have picked out the plot, so why not have everything about it the way you want?
No matter where you live, there will be different types and styles of funerals, but that is not a good reason for you not to have the service you want. There’s no reason why the polite funeral dirges have to be standards, especially when those musical arrangements weren’t a part of your everyday life. And if you weren’t the type to wear a suit and tie or a full fancy dress, then why should you succumb to the mores of the “average”? The answer is, there is no reason why you can’t have a funeral that is just as you lived your life.
Now there are those who do want the funeral home approach. Everything by the numbers, and be done. But if you have your own checklist set up, including what music you want, when you want services to be held, how you want the viewing to be handled, whether a solemn, dignified affair with an open casket, or a festive atmosphere with an open bar, the choice is up to you. And, by law, as long as the local laws and standards are upheld, there’s nothing a funeral home can do about it except make arrangements. With many opting for more than a standard service, many funeral homes are now well equipped to take care of any special arrangements some may have.
After you have decided how you want things handled in the event of your death, sit down with someone who you trust to have your wishes carried out. Casket open or closed, atmosphere, accommodations, when to be buried, and all the other details that would go into any function can be expected to be a part of a funeral. It’s your funeral, make it a good one.
The first thing on a checklist for planning a funeral is picking out a casket and with many styles available, wood, steel and even oversized caskets, finding the one that fits your style should be easy. Stephen Saldana knows that planning for a funeral can be a daunting task but having everything planned, caskets, location, and service, can take the stress out later.